FPM Ahoy Read online

CHAPTER TWO

  (“ Now I will tell you about the funny incidents that took place when we went to the to Mermaid Aquatic Garden.”)

  On the fifth day of the visit, the two families decided to have an outing at the Mermaid Aquatic Garden. True to her form, FPM started hitting fours and sixes as soon as their group landed inside the aquatic garden. Some women in one-piece swimsuits and bikinis were strolling in the green park. “Look at the shameless hussies, naked in those clothes.” She would have continued but for the fact that her teeth were gnashing about as if chewing to pieces those shameless hussies.

  Aditya and HPH went along to the male changers. Ahana, FPM and the children went along to the female changers, which also allowed male children up to 10.

  Once inside the spacious corridor outside the changing rooms, dotted with fountains, Sharbani and Mina had barely taken of their frocks when an ever-alert FPM pointed her finger at them. “Why are you two taking off your frocks?”

  Sharbani wanted to say something but FPM anticipated her probable reply. “So what if there are underfrocks beneath (not to mention the undies). Can’t you see, there are boys and men all around?”

  This time round Sharbani managed to get a few words in. “Don’t worry Pishi, Ma has brought along swimming costumes for all us children.”

  FPM said firmly, “No, there is no need to wear those swimming costumes. You must bathe and swim everything with all our clothes on just as I and your mother are going to do. I have spare clothes for all the females and big towels to change our wet clothes.”

  Sharbani said, “But Pishi…”

  FPM retorted without allowing her to complete her argument. “Look Sharbani, when I am around, I will not allow such vulgarities.”

  At a wink from Ahana, Sharbani reluctantly agreed to FPM’s whims. “Alright Pishi, it’s whatever you say.”

  FPM smiled broadly. “Now, that’s a good girl.”

  A satisfied FPM turned her attention towards the males. “Ratan, take off your clothes and leave them inside this bag.” In two minutes flat, the bag had Ratan’s clothes and Ratan stood in the glory of his nakedness. Ahana said, “Didi I have got an extra swimming pant for Ratan.”

  FPM waved her away with her irrefutable, undislodgable logic. “No, Ahana there is no need for a swimming pant. Do little boys ever need to bathe wearing anything?”

  Ahana mildly suggested that it might not be proper for Ratan to splash about in the pool, wearing nothing at all, in full public view.

  FPM refused to see logic. “So what if it’s in full public view? We must not make him overtly conscious about his nakedness from this age.”

  She added with a mild touch of sarcasm to her voice, “Let your Shubho wear his swimming pant. He is too full of modesty.”

  Then she ordered Shubhodeep, “Shubho, take off your clothes and put them here, before putting on your swimming pant.” Shubhodeep took off his shirt and halfpant. He wanted a towel to wrap around his undy before changing into his swimming pant.

  FPM snorted. “Why do you need a towel? Take off your undy and put on your swimming pant.”

  Shubhodeep said, “Alright, let me take a towel out from the bag myself.” A thwarted FPM was forced to take out a towel from her bag and hand it over to Shubhodeep.

  After Shubhodeep had had his way, FPM started grumbling for no reason at all, as if handing Shubhodeep a towel had caused her a huge amount of trouble. “You must always cause hassles. It seems that your mother has made you so much full of shame like a girl from this little age. Look at your RatanDa, he has no false sense of modesty, like you. He can take off his clothes in front of everybody. Whereas you always need a towel when changing into a new undy, let alone roaming about without an undy. You must know that it is good for a little boy’s health to take off all his clothes and stay naked for some period of time.”

  FPM would have continued with her lecture to Shubhodeep on the topic of ‘The benefits that accrue to obedient little boys who take off all their clothes and stay naked for some period of time’ but just then she chanced on a little girl about five years of age romping naked happily. FPM pounced on her. “You wicked girl, why are you roaming about in nothing at all like boys?”

  The smiling little girl pointed at Ratan, who was double her age. “That Dada is also standing, wearing nothing.”

  Typically, FPM refused to see logic. “He is a boy. Boys can roam in nothing at all. But you are a good girl, aren’t you? You must always keep yourself covered.”

  FPM would have continued with her uncalled for and most likely to be unheeded advice, but the bemused little girl ran off. FPM turned her ire on the little girl’s mother, who fortunately was nowhere in sight. “I would like to give a piece of my mind to that girl’s mother, allowing such a big girl to roam about naked.”

  Ahana had thought of bringing along her new blue bikini but had discarded the idea at the last moment knowing that FPM would be certain to create a hullabaloo over her wearing a bikini. She was wary of a tiff in public with FPM and decided that prudence was the better part of valour, even if she felt patently uncomfortable at the thought of bathing with all her clothes on even if they were shirt and trousers unlike the saree and blouse of FPM.

  The four children had joined other children who were having their fun inside the fountain rooms, but only after Ahana had extracted a promise from them that they would not take more than fifteen minutes. After all they could not keep Aditya and HPH waiting for too long.

  FPM was still more shocked to see girls in monokinis and women in bikinis coming out of changing rooms. Knowing very well she could not take on such a lot of shameless persons all by herself, disconsolately muttering to herself, FPM wandered off to a corner.

  A girl of about twelve, impatient on seeing the queues to the changing rooms, and seeing that there was nobody but a middle-aged woman (FPM looked 10 years more than her age) in sight, started changing before FPM. In a topless condition, she was about to take off her panty, when she was frightened by a shout. A snarling FPM had pounced on her. “You shameless girl. Taking off all your clothes before me. So what, if I am a woman? Go, go to the bathroom (sic.) and change.” The frightened girl, picking up her discarded clothes and swimsuit, ran away.

  Aditya was surprised at Ratan’s choice of dress but HPH had a look of hopeless resignation on his face. He knew very well if he dared utter a word against his wife, he would be turned into HBH (Hen Bashed Husband) or HSH (Hen Scratched Husband) or HTH (Hen Thrashed Husband) or HWH (Hen Whipped Husband) from HPH. The eight of them were soon splashing about in the main water tank. While seven were enjoying themselves to their hearts’ content, the eighth one was busy in rolling her red, fiery eyes at scantily dressed females all around. “Just which kind of menfolk they have as their husbands and fathers? Letting their wives and daughters bathing naked in public. Eunuchs, I would say the whole lot of them.”

  Just then she spotted HPH stealing surreptitious glances at a group of bikini-clad women. With an iron hand, she grasped hold of HPH’s shoulder. “Just what do you think, you are doing, you irresponsible man? Enjoying the nakedness of those shameless females? Instead of keeping an eye on the children. Just tell me what will happen if they drown?” Nobody dared tell FPM that it was impossible for anyone to drown.

  FPM kept on at it, though most likely she was the only listener to her own rumblings. “This is the reason, only reason why crimes against women are on the rise. They have turned themselves into commodities before males. They put their bodies on display before males. They are portraying themselves in a negative light before males. They allow their obscene pictures to be printed in magazines and newspapers. In films and serials and advertisements they parade their bodies in the scantiest of clothes. They put on such revealing dresses only to tempt, tease and excite males. Who can blame males if they indulge in eve-teasings, molestations, rapes? They cannot be faulted for getting excited at the sight of almost naked women prancing in public. And in their excitement if they start thin
king that all women are women of easy virtue, is it their fault? I wonder why these women cannot be arrested under that Indecent Representation of Women law or any such other law. Oh, those in power are also males. They too enjoy women roaming in public in almost nothing at all. That is the reason they will not make any law to prevent shameless women as these from wearing dirty, obscene dresses in public.”

  Ahana was quite outraged at FPM’s vilification of women who exercised the freedom to dress as they liked like men did and far more at her typical justification of male excesses and was about to give her a good piece of her mind but halted in her tracks when she remembered that feminists who were far more educated than FPM and who came from much more liberal families had opinions and views which were photocopies of those of FPM. FPM stopped when she found that nobody was paying the least bit of attention to her. Even her good-for-nothing husband was gazing at the sky.

  Once the fun was over, they came back to the changers. After waiting for over 15 minutes in a queue, they finally got inside a changing room. FPM ordered Ratan and Shubhodeep to quickly change into dry clothes and get out of the room. Shubhodeep, after drying himself with a towel was tying it around his waist, when FPM tried once again to cure Shubhodeep of his modesty. “You boy, don’t unnecessarily put on your dry undy under that wet towel and wet it. Just take off your towel and put on your dry underpant.” Once again, Shubhodeep chose to ignore FPM’s advice.

  After FPM shooed the males out, the females changed into dry clothes and came out to find lots of young girls and women, not wanting to waste their time standing in queue, stripping off their wet clothes except their panties before drying themselves and putting on dry clothes. Even this perfectly natural behaviour irritated FPM. “Such shameless girls. No senses of decency. Taking off their wet clothes right in front of everybody. So what if we are females too? That does not mean they should throw all senses of shame to the winds. They may be getting into bad habits. Bad habits are hard to cure. Today they are taking their clothes off before females. Tomorrow they are going to take off their clothes before males.”

  That was it. FPM’s pyrotechnics were over for the day. Her sound tank had at last run out of fuel. She could not keep on at it any more, what with not the least bit of encouragement or a single word of approval coming from a single person. For the rest of their stay and the ride back home, she did not utter a single word and had only a permanent scowl on her face.

  Well, FPM was storing up energy for another outburst. As soon as they finished their breakfast the next day, she started all over. It was just a regurgitation of all she had said before but FPM just loved to hear her own voice. This lecture could be aptly given the title – The moral degradation of Indian women forgetting their eternal tradition and parading their bodies everywhere before males and the resultant consequences.

  “I can see that Indian society is on the verge of total ruin. And for this, Indian women are totally responsible. All those shameless, brazen, immodest, remorseless, reckless Indian women, who have readily transformed themselves into commodities before men. Wearing revealing dresses in public. Putting their bodies on display before males. Treating their own bodies as objects to be put on display in exhibitions. Everyone knows males are easily excitable. The sight of an Indian woman in traditional Indian dress covering her properly from top to bottom will calm down, cool down even the most hot-blooded male, will force him to look upon and respect all women as mothers and sisters. On the other hand, an Indian woman who throws all tradition to the winds and imitating all those characterless western women, wears dirty, obscene western outfits will excite and heat up even the most cold-blooded male, will make him think that all women are women of easy virtue, all women are readily available to males, all women are whores. Remember, males are by nature aggressive. Only if women keep their bodies under wraps, will males keep their aggressive behaviour under wraps. But if women roam in public almost naked showing off most of their bodies, males will be forced to show naked aggression towards them. How can we expect a male to control himself if a woman presents herself before him like a ready to eat ripe, juicy fruit on a platter? How can a male keep himself under check if a woman deliberately tempts him, lures him wearing such obscene dresses? The women wearing provocative dresses also harm the cause of women who dress decently. That is because when males are roused, they do not make any distinctions between provocative dressers and decent dressers. They think all women are out there to satisfy their carnal desires. It is up to women to dress properly and dispel them of such notions. Males know very well that virtuous women dress properly and they will not dare turn their lustful gazes on a virtuous woman and harm her. On the other hand, women who discard their clothes in public are also discarding all their virtues at the same time. Knowing this, if males pounce on such women, who can blame them? I for one will never blame them. It is only because women are displaying their bodies flagrantly, caring a fig for all norms of decent behaviour, that incidents of molestations, rapes, eve-teasings are on the rise. Uncovered female skin is to rapists and molesters what ghee is to fire. I have nothing more to say. I pray to God that one of these days I go blind. That way I will be spared from watching this shamelessness of shameless females nowadays.”

  “And this is where ‘The Case of the Prim Pishi’ ends,” said Sharbani, putting down her old diary.

  Vijay, Sumantro and Leena had been smiling silently for the last two hours. But they could not control themselves any more. Along with Sharbani, they broke out into loud laughter.

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